How to ask Your Partner for More Money

By Julia Jones

Jan 15, 2019

Sometimes when we are involved with a POT we agree on a price that eventually needs to change. Maybe you agreed to a price that is less than you’d like at the beginning and are planning to increase it later on down the road or maybe your living situation has changed and you’re going to need a higher allowance than you used to. Maybe you just didn’t do your math right and need to come back to the table asking for a little more.

Or, maybe you just want more money and that’s that. That’s okay too.

No matter your reason for making the choice, it’s a delicate topic and should be done right- so let’s talk about a few ways you can approach your POT about increasing your allowance in a way that not only makes sure you get the money you’re asking for but also makes sure that you don’t make your POT feel used.

Do your research and know your value

Do your research before you approach your POT about more money. How much do you honestly need? How much do you want? Is the amount of money because you need it or is it and if so, does that amount cover your needs? What is the living price for your location and will your allowance cover it or will you need to work another job as well in order to make ends meet?

If this is a matter of you just wanting more money, that’s okay too. But there might not be much research to do here.

Let your POT know what the extra cash will be going towards. A trip? School? Bills? Tell them why you need/want an increase in allowance.

Be honest

Don’t lie to your POT about how much or why you want the money. It will come back to bite you in the butt, it’s just that simple. Lay the facts out and show your POT that you did your research, show him how you’ll spend (or save, or invest) the money. Give your POT an idea of what is going on in your head and with their money.

Be kind

Don’t be rude. You’re asking someone for more money. Just like you would at a job, be respectful and understand that they are putting in their hard earned money, that they probably spent a lot of time on earning. Make sure your POT understands that it is okay to say no and that you will understand where they are coming from.

Also make sure that your POT understands this is not a set number and you’re flexible on what the total can be- if you’re flexible and if not, explain why. Kindly.

Best to do it all now

If you can avoid having this conversation more than once, do it. Don’t plan to come back to your POT in a couple of months asking for more money. If you want to ask your POT for a lump sum, do it now even if it means asking for a higher number that might shock your POT it’s easier on the relationship to do it right now- and if it turns out that you can lower the allowance in the future, do that.

It could be about more than just money

Sometimes your POT might not like the idea of increasing your allowance. Be understanding of that and give your POT other options. Can they help with your school books? Your travel costs? Could they see the bill that you need help getting covered? Sometimes your POT might not feel comfortable with the idea of more money but might be more willing to help invest in you and your future.

Find a balance

When it comes down to it, it’s all about finding a balance for the two of you. Talk to them about what you need and ask them what they need so that you two can find a common middle ground that doesn’t leave either of you feeling bad about it.

If something is important to your needs, your POT will understand, but that might mean you need to be understanding later in the future. Or vice versa.