Sugar does not come easy. I’ve talked to over a hundred POTs since first signing up on SA and been on dozens of dates to perfect my Sugar skills.
This is definitely not my first time around in the Sugar Bowl. My two year Sugar Arrangement ended recently. For the most part I have been more of a “pampered girlfriend” than a “primarily allowance” based Sugar Baby. A light LTA with one of the 1% wealthiest SD’s had its perks without much asking involved.
So here I am! After taking some time off to mourn, patiently exploring opportunities and dodging the Salt Daddies/ time wasters(you all should know that type by now).
After not having to negotiate and ask for benefits for awhile, you become a bit rusty.
If you are reading this and just entering the Sugar Bowl, please know that the topic of allowance is never easy. Don’t sweat if you haven’t found your mojo.
Approaching the topic of allowance is a matter of trial and error. There is no standard way of approaching allowance with POT SD. I’m here to give you a couple of tips on talking about money with a Sugar Daddy.
I used to bring up the allowance topic directly. the allowance topic up directly. I didn’t wanted to waste my time if a POT and I weren’t on the same page. If allowance levels didn’t match my desire, I’d stop the process, no negotiation.
I was pushed back as some POTs felt the discussion to be too cold or rushed to discuss upfront a sum as a gift. Then, there were those unwilling to pay to date me (meaning cash allowance) even though they told me they had no problem buying me a Gucci.
I even blatantly told a SD I do not sell dates, but I am gifted in appreciation. Realistically, I would consign a designer gift to get a fractional amount of his generosity to fund my goals.
Nonetheless, for many Sugar Daddies a clear cash gift remains taboo. However, if he is the experienced, cash allowance type of daddy, this conversation can be quick and off the table in no time at all.
My new approach is to express my expectation of an allowance, but then leave the topic at just that. Instead of going through specifics or answering right away on a desired lifestyle, I let the SD initiate to discover my needs and move forward with the arrangement.
I sincerely ask how much I spend on every category a POT asks me. I find that many POTs enjoy problem solving and come up with what he is willing to do for me, based on my unique life. This approach allows a better listening to a POTs need to vent about their hang up on Sugar Babies asking what they’ll be given and making them feel like ATMs.
The mindset here changes from a direct negotiation where one has to unwillingly bend into becoming the hero and bringing you offerings. As he does, I gracefully and softly request extra perks which is easier to be non-cash.
For example, I was dealing with a car dealership owner POT. I asked if I could have free access to auto service with a wink. With the dentist, I asked if I could have extra cleanings and teeth bleaching and in both instances. Both agreed, and without lowering their cash allowance offer.
I get why we want to shoot direct at times. We get calloused by time waster POTs so we want to cut to the chase and that ends up backfiring. One could argue that I am wasting a lot of time investing the time equivalent to develop a relationship with each POT and not necessarily materializing in an allowance.
Sugaring is indeed transactional in a way, both parties understand expectations and go about quickly starting to fulfill each other’s needs. I still want a legitimate arrangement that I enjoy, based on respect and attraction as well as the fundamental allowance. For that, the indirect approach is suiting me better for now as my POTs are equally investing their time on me for a longer term proposition than what a quick and direct talk about allowance brings.
What is working best for you when it comes to talking allowance, direct or indirect?
For more tips check out: The Allowance Conversation Guide