The Sugar Controversy

By Serena

Sep 25, 2015

Before we go into the Sugar controversy, I need to explain how NOT to Sugar. Plenty of women come to the site for a quick fix from a financial pinch, but Sugar success comes from lasting relationships.

What is “pay-per-meet?”

If you’ve ever had a prospective Sugar Daddy message you and ask, “So how much are you looking for per visit?” then you’ve been in the presence of a fake Sugar Daddy. As a rookie in the Sugar Bowl, you might be naive enough to unknowingly take your first step down a slippery slope. Perhaps you respond to this prospect and ultimately come to an agreement on a number. What’s the worst that can happen?

After all, he is showing interest in you, so why not at least give it a shot and see where it goes, right? WRONG! This prospect might be looking at you as an escort or a prostitute, which you are most definitely not. That assumption is disrespectful to you and is a sign that he’s not a real Sugar Daddy.

Fakers and Salt Daddies can sometimes fall through the cracks, even with SeekingArrangement‘s diligence to keep only quality people on the site. Nevertheless, your submission to this transaction proposal can lead to, at best, a very unfulfilling experience of Sugar. If taken far enough, it will generate a skewed perception of yourself and of men. Avoid this path altogether, and agree to a monthly allowance instead.

Falling for the “pay-per-meet” date is selling yourself short. Sugar relationships are already stigmatized enough, so don’t add to the hype by participating in transactional relationships.

The Sugar Controversy

When it comes to relationships, the components that enable it are the same, no matter who the participants are. You must have compatible interests, sense of unique connection, and similar outlook on life. Sugar arrangements are no different, but also include a monetary gain. It’s quite common for the man in the relationship to financially support his girlfriend, fiancé, or wife, and the same thing is happening in Sugar relationships.

The controversy with Sugar relationships arises from the facts that:

  1. Financial incentive is the basis of Sugar, rather than an aspect of the relationship that may occur naturally but without certainty or upfront discussion.
  2. There is oftentimes, but not always, a large age gap between the two partners in a Sugar relationship presumably due in part to my first point.
  3. Sugar relationships aren’t usually entered with the intention of marriage and staying together forever, not to say Sugar relationships are never lifelong, because some are.

The majority have a “no strings attached” quality to them. Essentially, it’s a way for a generous man to enjoy having a beautiful, smart, ambitious young woman on his arm, whose time is all of a sudden freed up because of his financial support. A man who is financially secure can make a woman who would otherwise be inaccessible, accessible to him.

An imposter might tell you he wants to start out with pay-per-meet because he wants to “try it out” first and see if you’re worth giving a monthly allowance to. Not only is this extremely objectifying, but it shows that he does not understand the concept of real Sugar.

Similarly, he might say he’s not comfortable giving you a monthly allowance until after you’ve earned his trust, making sure you’re not going to take his money and disappear. This is a valid concern, but doing a pay-per-meet arrangement is not the solution. Agree on a monthly allowance that he will give you once you’re ready to officially start the arrangement, provided that all goes well in the getting-to-know-each-other process.

This allowance amount should be easy to agree on if you’re using the SA website correctly and only interacting with members whose budget coincides with your expectations. Granted, some members lie about what they’re willing to give their Sugar Baby, and this can be very frustrating to find out after having spent time with him first, so make sure you have your agreed allowance amount—and even transference method—before meeting up.

Then, you both will have the peace of mind that part is out of the way, and you can take the time to get to know each other and decide whether you want to proceed with an arrangement. Think of it like a job. Do you get paid just to come to the interview? No.

Sometimes, you may even have a second interview before you are officially hired, and you don’t get paid for that either. During this process, both parties are taking valuable time out of their day, not receiving what they ultimately want, but doing their due diligence to judge the character of one another and collect other relevant data needed before agreeing to the arrangement.

There’s no set number of dates that should happen before the Sugar Daddy starts giving his Sugar Baby her monthly allowance, but if we know anything about the nature of men and how soon he wants what he wants, he’s probably going to gift that first monthly allowance sooner than later. Be patient Babies! If you’ve found your match, it’s coming!

It pays off to treat arrangements like traditional dating—other than agreeing on the allowance amount and method before meeting up—and allow the connection to form organically. You want to build a relationship in which you can count on your Sugar Daddy to come through, and pay-per-meet arrangements simply do not foster that.

Be patient, filter out the fakes as early as possible, genuinely connect with your Sugar Daddy, and enjoy the security of a monthly allowance from a man who truly cares about you and wants to see you thrive!