When it comes to any sort of relationship there will be good and bad times. And I wanted to talk about that. I saw a friend post their anniversary post on Facebook recently, and one thing I really liked is that they mentioned there had been rough times. Which of course makes sense, we all personally go through rough times so it’s only natural that it makes sense that our relationships (be it intimate or friendships) hit hard times. Today, I want to talk about when those rough times hit.
It’s important to remember that it happens
Yes, I know I just finished saying it but it really, really is true. It happens. It’s normal. It’s doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Yes, it might be but we’ll get to that in a second. Let’s focus on the positive here- it doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship and just because things are rough doesn’t mean it will be the end of the relationship.
Remember why you love this person
Is it your mum? Your friend? Your husband? It’s important to remember that we love these people for a reason. And it’s important to remember those reasons. Yes, when things get tough there is a reason, but that doesn’t mean the reasons we love this person vanish. Make sure you remember them- and it doesn’t hurt to remind the other person of them either.
Make time for each other
This is a pretty simple one that shouldn’t need any explaining. Make time for that person, it’s the easiest way to start putting a hard time behind you and building better times. When you make time, focus on building the good back up. It doesn’t have to be anything special. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it’s just about spending time together.
Make it a conscious thing
When my relationships hit hard times, I always find it helps to know that the other person involved knows how I’m feeling and wants to correct it- and if they make a conscious effort to do things it’s going to make it clear to me that they are trying- so why wouldn’t it be the same for them? It’s important for me to make that effort and it’s important for the other person to know that I understand things are rough and I’m working to make them better
The little things REALLY do add up
Yes, I said it. Everyone says it. The little things add up. And it’s true, they do. They really, really do. So stop reading right now (Yes, I’m encouraging you to stop reading this, because that relationship is more important than this post) and do something small for someone you love. Ideally, come back to read the rest, but if you don’t I’ll take that if it helps your relationship grow.
Don’t be scared to address it
It’s okay to say that you need to talk about something. It’s okay to say that you need to get stuff off your chest and it’s okay to talk about stuff. It’s the only way things are going to get addressed.
Take it one day at a time
It’s going to take time, so take it one day at a time. Don’t expect anything to change overnight, that would just be unrealistic and won’t get you anywhere good.
Take up a hobby together
Give yourselves something that you do together so that you can focus on spending time together. Be it a game, a TV series, crafts, home projects- whatever it is. Even if it is just making time for a date night every week. It’s important to make sure you two have something you’re looking forward to doing together, and if you have something in common it’s going to make the good times better, and hopefully more often. It’s also going to give you two common ground.
Express your emotions and take time for yourself
It’s important to be making time for yourself and your own improvement. You can’t expect a relationship to grow if you’re not growing as a person- it’s just a fact of life. So, make sure you have a couple of goals to work towards and make sure you are making time for yourself. Practice self-care, journal, workout, or just make sure you’re eating right- whatever it is, do it for yourself and no one else. When you work on yourself, all your (healthy)relationships grow around you.
You’re already doing it so I shouldn’t have to tell you. But keep researching. Keep finding articles and blog posts and books to help your relationships grow. Your relationships are worth it and people might think it’s dumb or silly or whatever, but you’re always expected to research stuff so you can improve on it- right? Why are relationships different?
So, there you have it. A few ideas for when things get tough. But above anything else, make sure you remember that times might be tough but they can get better- assuming you’re in a safe, non-abusive relationship, and both you and your partner want to work on this- you can make things better but it’s going to take time and it’s going to mean that you guys have to try a few new things. Keep making time for each other, keep remembering the small things, keep making time for yourself, and keep researching- those (out of everything on this list) are my biggest tips to you. I am a huge believer that if you focus on those things (and everything else on the list) most of your relationships can get better.