Jealousy is something that I think all of us have experienced. Maybe not in a relationship, but at some point, we’ve all been jealous in some way, shape, or form. From our best friend getting a new pair of shoes that we wanted to feel like our siblings are better than us; we’ve all felt it.
But when it comes to jealousy in relationships it can be a whole different type of feeling.
First, let’s talk about why we feel jealous. Depending on who is feeling jealous, there are a lot of reasons for it. Your feelings can range from obsessive fears, insecurities, or paranoid personality disorder. It can also stem from past experiences where you have been betrayed and your trust issues grow into jealousy.
Talk about it
The first thing you and your daddy have to do is accept that you (or they) are feeling this way. Otherwise, there is nothing that can be done about it but once the conversation has started you two will be able to move forward together, on the same page about where things stand and without that you two won’t be able to make progress.
The important thing to understand is that it’s not just about saying “I need to get over this.” It’s about actually finding a way to get over it and work through the feelings that you (or your daddy) are feeling.
Talk about what spikes the jealousy
It’s important to make sure that you talk about what makes you feel jealous, otherwise, there will be nothing your daddy can do to help. If the way he holds his phone makes you wonder if he’s cheating and in turn makes you jealous, he won’t know that unless you tell him and he won’t be able to decide if he wants to change how he holds the phone (since after all, this is his choice to make) and you won’t be able to do anything about your feelings except try to shove them away.
Work together to figure out why and when (or with whom) it started
This is where it’s going to get tough. It’s not just about realizing you feel jealous, sadly we have to dig deeper than that. We have to figure out why we feel jealous. What actually brings these feelings on and how long have we actually been feeling them? Are they old feelings that we’ve had for a few relationships or is it something brand new right after our ex cheated on us?
Figuring these things out are going to help us get to the actual root of the feeling. It’s also going to give us something from our past to focus on to heal so that we can move on without jealousy in the future.
Find ways to build trust that are healthy
The number one thing you and your partner can do to build trust is to have honest conversations. Start with small things. You don’t like his favorite restaurant? Tell him. Encourage him to be honest with you if he doesn’t like your music, or your bad habits, or even the clothes you wear (after all, it doesn’t mean you have to change them, it just means you know that he doesn’t like that red sweater you stole from your ex). After you two are able to start having conversations where you know you will both be honest, step it up a notch, talk about some of the harder stuff like your dreams, your fears, and your past.
Talk to your partner about what you two can do to build trust, which can be hard when they are not the ones who shattered it.
How to express yourself when you feel jealous
Don’t express your jealousy as offhand comments or made to look likes jokes! Find healthy ways to express how you are feeling without leaving your partner wondering about what you’re trying to say. Just be blunt and tell them whatever is making you feel jealous and talk it out with them- after all, for all you know you may have misunderstood the situation so it’s good to clear it up!