A bouquet of lovers: Polyamory and Arrangements

By RowanAsh

Mar 25, 2019

Mutually beneficial arrangements can already be considered as an unconventional type of relationship. Each party holds certain expectations and a desire for benefits that go beyond general dating. So, when you have men with over-average means to provide, and open-minded women thrown together in the sugar bowl, is it really such a surprise to find polyamory as a lifestyle playing a role in many arrangements?

The values in polyamorous relationships

Polyamory is basically responsible for non-monogamous dating of multiple consenting adults. Those who follow this lifestyle go against the belief of exclusivity being necessary to have deep, meaningful, and loving relationships. Now, this certainly isn’t for the jealous type! But here are some things to consider as positive values to a polyamorous arrangement:

  • Fidelity: So, this doesn’t refer to sexual exclusivity, but faithfulness to the agreements made concerning the relationship. Open communication is necessary from the start to establish expectations of the relationship for all parties involved.
  • Negotiation: You will find polyamorists more pragmatic by nature. Continual negotiation of the terms of the relationship is generally expected and encouraged. You will find yourself in a stronger position to gain the benefits you desire individually, so long as you are a positive addition to the relationship.
  • Honesty: In a polyamorous relationship, there is no insecurity as to whether your partner is being faithful or not. You will worry no more as to whether your partner has other women. Everyone in the arrangement is aware of one another. This gives immediate peace of mind, and awareness of your place in the relationship.
  • Non-possessiveness: Many individuals seek arrangements over conventional relationships to maintain their freedom. When there are multiple partners, there is more time for yourself, your friends, and anything else you want to enjoy.

Consider why you choose an arrangement over a conventional relationship

For those of you unsure as to whether a polyamorous relationship is for you or not, first consider why you chose arrangements over conventional relationships in the first place.

Taking myself as an example, I don’t wish to give a huge amount of time to a relationship. There is a lot I like to do with my time and I don’t want to compromise on this. At the same time, I want a man to be understanding of this and not make me feel guilty as though I don’t value them high enough. A polyamorous arrangement allows for this, I am understanding that I may not fulfill all of their needs, but if I allow them to get this from another, then I maintain my freedom.

I also have several ideas regarding the benefits of sugar dating, but not one sugar daddy can fulfill them all. If he is open to my seeing of another, then it is only polite to be so open myself. I do not place a higher value on one daddy over another, all have my attention, respect, and affection, and I am able to receive multiple benefits from each of them individually.

The main thing I don’t want is the pressure a relationship can hold. I don’t want many things that most women want, marriage, children, to settle down…now in my age group, this can make dating difficult once you get to that “so what do you want in your future” conversation. Arrangements themselves are more suited to my style of dating, but in the long run, a polyamorous relationship may offer the stability and support I desire, while other women can fulfill the desires I lack.

I love you times three: My polyamorous arrangement

My first arrangement was a polyamorous one. The women were monogamous to the man, the man had three women. It wasn’t a condition of the relationship, it just happened that the man was able to fulfill all the needs of the women and so we didn’t look for another.

We all sort of naturally fulfilled different roles. The longest standing relationship was with Claire who essentially played the role of The Wife, without a ring.

She was the one who stayed with him at his home more often, and the one which the holidays would be spent with. If marriage was to occur in this arrangement, she would be the bride. The title of maid of honor would go to Katy, she played the role of The Girlfriend. Often on dates and holding hands, it wasn’t uncommon for Katy to join Claire and our Sponsor on some occasions. They had formed a natural friendship and had a mutual interest in our sponsors’ life. Now if I was to be labeled you could call me The Lover. Drinks, dancing, and spontaneous trips were our thing. I was the “wilder one” if you like, yet always respectful of what The Wife and The Girlfriend added to the arrangement. It was their stability, intimacy, and affection that allowed for our carefree, passionate lifestyle.

I remember friends asking me how I was comfortable knowing he had other women. My response was always I’m more comfortable knowing than not knowing if a man was being faithful to me. For me, it was an easy decision to be involved in this arrangement. I kept all my freedom, we maintained the “honeymoon period” in our time together, and all my expectations, including financial ones, were met. I lacked for nothing. And so, I wasn’t in any way at a loss when it came to being in a polyamorous arrangement.

Polyamory and Arrangements: Is it what you want?

I suggest you fully understand your own wants and expectations from an arrangement before you enter this type of dynamic. But if a daddy is able to provide all that you need while having multiple babies, then I say enjoy the experience of it.