Coming Out of the Sugar Baby Closet

By Malia

Aug 05, 2017
It came time to share my secret Sugar Baby life with a close friend. My bestie male and platonic married friend of 20 years – yes, twenty! He saw me grow up and knew almost everything about me, except that I am a Sugar Baby. I’ve known my friend as the free spirit who slept with several hundreds of women throughout his worldwide travels when he was single. I also knew of the many of his adventures with different mistresses over his married years. As a sex positive, non-judgemental person, he is the best friend to embrace my coming out of the sugar closet. And he did!

Exploration Station

“Sugar Baby is a wonderful way to explore your freedom!”
That is how he reacted to my news. He was immediately excited I was broadening my horizons and and discovering new joys without hang ups. Well, that is, until he he heard the word “allowance.” His expression changed and he vehemently suggested I donate my allowance in full to charity, or find ways to gift it to others. To him, it was only ok to receive cash out of a sugar arrangement if I applied funds toward something I could not directly benefit from this “income.”

Money Woes

Why receiving money as a gift is considered dirty? 
For my male friend, and some men in the Sugar Bowl, cash allowance is where the line draws between companion and sex worker. My friend perceived allowance as salary rather than support while I see it it no different from a husband providing and maintaining his wife, with the exclusion of legal bind contracts (marriage), and so I told him.

A Male Point of View

His insights helped me understand why some Sugar Daddies shy away from cash allowances. They may have the means, and are willing to splurge on a Sugar Baby. They don’t really intend to be salty but may turned into one in our mind, because expectations are not mutually aligned. 
There seem to be the mental definition that  cash is dirty. In contrast, sharing a good life while in his company is caring. Those are the Sugar Daddy’s who have unlimited budget to splurge on experiences such as first class travel expenses, ultrageous nice dinners and cocktails. VIP access to musicals, sports events, and gifts galore but no money gift ever exchange hands. Money is currency
for buying companionship in many heads, no matter how open minded or unconventional their lifestyle may be

Double Standards

I then asked my friend about non-working wives and  marriages like his own. For instance, when both work but the gap in income is substantial. What is your standpoint on your wife’s “personal allowance” for things that are not house expenses related? “Oh it’s fine. She can spend with her girlfriends, go to spa, take fun cooking lessons, buy clothes and whatever she needs or wants out of the household account I fund.”

I tried to understand what was wrong about money exchanging hands. Typically in a Sugar Arrangement we don’t a have a joint bank account or credit cards that are fully paid by the man.  He thought and thought… I see your point he said.

His Words, Not Mine

The difference is that my wife is forever as I’ll never get divorced, regardless of my mistresses. My mistresses can be very long term and some shorter term. However they are not infinite so I see them as conditional upon the moment we share . So I make sure to splurge them with the best wine, best meals, best hotels and the best of everything every time I meet them. I don’t splurge on my wife every day and every time like I do with my mistresses. So my wife gets to choose and use my money continuously. I never ever thought of that as an allowance until you brought it up.

Lessons Learned

For me it’s that even the most open minded uninhibited friends have strong stigma about the word “sugar.” We need mutual benefits that best cater for the sugar baby needs. But, a real trusted long-term friend, can disagree with the way I receive and use my allowance in this lifestyle. With new familiarity and open discussions he can get more comfortable with the idea. The line between open marriage and a long-term sugar relationship is really not that far apart. A Sugar Daddy who is all about splurge and no cash allowance may also convert once trust and longevity are in place. This can progress to Sugar Relationship status without thinking too much of cash mental block repercussions.