Do you feel like you’ve been walking on eggshells with your Sugar Daddy lately? Is he up one minute as he serenades you in the kitchen, then down the next as he subtly comments that he thinks you may be getting fat? Let’s face it, not all men are gentlemen. In fact, not all men are even that decent. And no one has to remind us just how sensitive they are, lest we forget. I have met some incredible, lovable men during my sugaring adventures, but each man has been needier than the last. In retrospect, I have found that their level of stress is usually commensurate with their level of professional success. As a Sugar Baby, you are their prize, their reward, the kind of luxury one is afforded when one has ‘made it.’ But often you’ll start to discover you personify many things apart from that of a trophy girlfriend, friend with benefits or piece of arm candy, sometimes you begin to take on the role of confidante, sounding board, and/or collaborator. And for me, those have been the most rewarding relationships. We all go through difficult emotional phases, cycles of insecurity, and feelings of loneliness peppered with daily triggers of anxiety. The good news is that we’re all built tough- granted, some are built tougher than others, but tough, nevertheless. It takes a strong Sugar Baby to handle herself with grace, dignity, and stoic patience when a moody, depressed or overwhelmed Daddy starts to create too unhealthy an environment for an arrangement to continue to blossom. Here are some tips to support your Daddy when he’s cracking under the pressure along with some advice about how to know when to throw in the towel and get out if the situation becomes irreparably toxic.
We’ve all done it. Looked in the mirror and verbally pumped ourselves up. Now try it on your SD. Think about some things you love about him- unique characteristics that make him special, how capable he is in his personal and professional life, how generous he is. When you observe him starting to beat up on himself, attempt to counteract the downward spiral by highlighting the ‘silver lining’ in what can seem like a major conflict in his life. Remind him that he is an accomplished, good person, and that it is ok to stumble on an occasional roadblock. Convey to him that he must be doing something right if he attracted a woman like you (because remember, you are an amazing catch and he is really lucky to have you in his life!). With the myriad of life’s ebbs and flows, we can easily forget just how good we’ve got it. Believe me, I forget all the time. I cannot express how vital it is to periodically self-evaluate your situation and triumph in the successes- large and small- that have shaped us to be the imperfect people we are right at this moment in our lives. And as important as stroking his ego is today, it’s you that may need some TLC later on down the line when your world starts to get unsteady.
LET YOUR BODY DO THE TALKING
Some times the body can communicate things words never could. I pride myself on being a great communicator, but there are times when words fail me- for instance, when I’m trying to express myself with a man I care about and have developed an attraction. Sex is an irrefutable pillar of every romantic relationship. When I’ve exhausted all my words and feel I have no more to say on a subject, at times I’ll turn to using my body to communicate with my partner. Sex is not only a highly valued tool in the arsenal of the Sugar Baby, it is an evidence-proven organic mood-enhancer (dopamine, endorphin release) and an almost-instant stress-reliever, not to mention the fact that it’s fun, can create intimacy, and burns calories.
KNOWING YOUR SELF-WORTH
Engaging in a relationship with a person who experiences mood swings can be less than fun. Always remember, you are no one’s punching bag, so if you are acting that way- stop it! Sugar Babies have a double burden: They have to simultaneously embody a man’s desire (and eventually, satiate it), while conveying an attitude that you could have chosen any man in the world because you are that rare goddess that every once in a while bestows her gifts on a man of great distinction who has proven worthy of them. You’re gorgeous, honey, and you don’t need to continue to suffer through an arrangement/relationship that has grown toxic and sour. As attached as you may have become to the emotional, physical, financial, or even psychological ties between you and your partner, an acute focus on self-preservation should never be too far out of sight. Do not lose yourself in an exchange that is, above all, supposed to be mutually beneficial. You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and kindness, no matter the dynamic of the relationship, so don’t ever settle for anything less. And if you’re worried that you’ll never find another SD that will again offer you the perfect balance of everything you want in an arrangement, don’t be. There are many, many men (and women) on SeekingArrangement who would be happy to fit the bill or at least keep you company until you find what you are looking for.
KEEP IT MOVIN’
If you’ve noticed the screaming matches are happening more often than the moments of shared laughter and genuine intimacy, it doesn’t exactly bode well for you and your mate. Part of being a seasoned Sugar Baby like myself is knowing when to cut your losses and exit an arrangement. An arrangement shouldn’t feel forced, rehearsed, or exist in an emotionally-volatile situation from one day to the next. You both know that an unconventional relationship of this caliber requires copious amounts of patience, diplomatic negotiation, kindness, and vulnerability. Will it be hard to break ties with someone you’ve grown fond of or whom you are deeply devoted? Yes. But let’s keep it real: Feelings of love can easily derail arrangements and catapult you into Real Relationship Status. That is not to say that there aren’t arrangements that turn into profound and meaningful lifelong relationships or even marriages. Some SBs will even choose to stay in erratic arrangements because on some level they feel that it just comes with the territory. Do not fall into that trap: Just because we are engaged in mutually beneficial, transaction-based relationships doesn’t mean that we have to be doormats for crazy people. If discussing your concerns doesn’t yield the reaction and change that an honest assessment of the relationship should, then meet with your SD face-to-face and inform him that you no longer believe that the relationship is tenable. Do not break up with someone by texting. As one who has been the recipient of the dreaded text-breakup, I can assure you that it makes the separation and closure exceptionally more difficult. Have the courtesy to end the arrangement in person. He’ll respect you more for it, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.
Happy sugaring, darlings.