When I first entered the sugar bowl, I’d never been in a real, long-term relationship. This is, unfortunately, very common amongst millennial daters. I felt like I just kept meeting guys who only wanted flings, hook-ups, or casual dating. Additionally, most of them didn’t have their act together; they were flat-out broke and didn’t treat me with respect. This, coupled with student loans, ultimately led me to the Seeking Arrangements.
My first arrangement lasted a little under a year and was more like a traditional relationship than any dating experience I’d had. It was great! We were honest about what we wanted from the get-go and I was encouraged to say what was on my mind. With guys my own age, I always had to worry about scaring them off by being too open. God forbid they might perceive me as having needs!
It Raises Your Standards
I’ve completely stopped dating guys my own age. While in my vanilla life I don’t necessarily date men as old as I would in sugar, 5-10 years older than me is my new sweet spot. I also only date hard-working gentlemen, who treat me with respect and admiration. I know what it’s like to have a good guy taking care of me and I won’t settle for less.
It also increased my confidence. If sugar daddies are choosing me over thousands of other SBs and willing to give me an allowance to spend time with them, I must be pretty awesome. I know my worth and how I should be treated. I also know I have a lot of options, whereas I previously thought I should be thankful for any man that came my way.
You Become More Direct
After my first arrangement ended, my first, serious vanilla relationship started within months. I met a guy that I liked, who had his life together and treated me well. I flat out said, “I like you and I don’t want to see anyone else. Are you on the same page?” I wasn’t afraid of appearing clingy like I would have before because I was just giving him my “terms” the same way I would in the sugar world. Open communication
is also helpful for dealing with conflicts within the relationship. Our relationship was a good one and it lasted for slightly under two years. I ultimately returned to SA and I feel like I just keep growing the longer I’ve been here.
You Grow As a Person
Arrangements are great, but the road getting there can be very rocky. I would say there is more game playing and ghosting than there is in traditional dating and you need to develop thick skin. Of course, it’s all worth it when you find that perfect SD and you gain so much from the process. I can now deal with dating setbacks more easily as I’ve improved my coping skills. I just let rejections, flakiness, and other set-backs roll off my back.
Additionally, I can communicate much more maturely and effectively. Rather than arguing, I calmly state the issue and explain how I feel. Dating older men has allowed me to see new perspectives and understand relationships, and the world in general, in an entirely new way. SDs won’t put up with drama so I’ve learned not to either.
Right now, I’m loving being single and all that sugaring has to offer. The world is my oyster! However, eventually, I do want to find something real and settle down. And I know I’ll be more prepared and able to find a healthier relationship because of my experiences here.