Confessions: Being Submissive Empowers Me

By Harana

Dec 04, 2018

As the eldest child, I already had the pressure of getting good grades and playing role model on my shoulders. Being a kid in a strict household didn’t leave me any room to sit back and relax. It was a clear message that I was the one my parents would turn to when they had to leave someone in charge.

By the time I was in preschool, I had a reputation for being the responsible and reliable one. Although it was draining at times, I personally liked volunteering to be leader and oftentimes, I was always the one stepping up to get the job or task done. In a group of friends, I was the shoulder to cry on—the strong one. I had good family members and friends who loved and cared for me, but it sometimes it seemed like the list of responsibilities was neverending.


Suddenly, I was everyone’s go-to person. It seemed like I was the front line soldier who suffered when things went wrong. Even the simple household chores at home were passed on to me. Being in college, I soon found it difficult to preserve “me time” with everything going on in my life. Even though it was tiring, the physical work was nothing compared to the headspace all the pressure was taking up. I was itching for a release. I was longing for a day or moment when I didn’t have to look after anyone, but myself. One day, I got it.


His name was Kyle.* An SD that I genuinely would have found attractive as a partner and friend. As usual, we went on a few Sugar dates and got to know each other. We had an undeniable chemistry and he found my wit and intellect amusing. Eventually, we took it upstairs. The sweet, funny, and insightful Kyle I knew was there. But, with him, something else. A strong, dominant partner charged with energy—electrifying his every move.

It only occurred to me then to provide him with a safe word. There I was, a new Sugar Baby who only had the slightest of ideas about what she was getting into. With mutual trust and respect, our intimate relationship soon gave way to include the use of handcuffs and gentle words.


In a state of sheer bliss, my nerves were on fire, but my mind was completely at peace. I barely recalled his name as I called him using a different title with no hesitation, seeming to come in second nature as I responded to him similarly when he would address me not by name. Much like on a cloud, my mind drifted away from all the looming deadlines and long list of responsibilities. The room was a stage and I was given a role to play—so I played it well. The session did end eventually.

In the aftermath, it was as if someone had flipped the switch back. Smiling with satisfaction, we talked about how wonderful it was, with the slight exhaustion from what we had done creeping into our bones. Contrary to how submissive I had been the whole time, I felt my independent and individual sense of identity intact. Nothing less was taken from me other than the amount of stress and frustration that had been resting on my shoulders for the past few months.


It has been a while since the first time I delved into the world of dominants and submissives. Playing the role of the submissive makes me feel more at ease, somewhat refreshed and rejuvenated. Interacting with a dominant partner who I felt safe and respected with gave me enough headspace and preparation to face the pressure and weight my fast-paced life had.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to read beforehand, to seek advice if needed, and to willingly submit to the “right” dominant partner. For the Sugar Babies who wish to dip their pinky toes into the dominant-submissive field, I’ll tell you that the role is not exactly a walk in the park, but your fellow sugar sisters will always be here for you.