Kink For The Confused

By Julia Jones

Jun 01, 2019

When it comes to adding a little kink to your sex life, there is still a lot of confusion out there and there are some great resources online that can help you clear it up; sadly there are also some resources online (and in bookstores) that can give you a very different (very bad) idea of what kink might be. So, today LetsTalkSugar is going to talk kink.

What is kink?

According to Wikipedia: “kinkiness is the use of unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies” and I think that is one of the best ways I’ve seen it described. Kink can be something different to everyone, but it’s not uncommon for these things to include: bondage, submission/domination, unique fetishes, and other things that are seen as “taboo”  

What isn’t kink?

Kink is not an excuse to be hurtful, rude, or put someone in danger. Need I say more?

Where to start

There are a lot of really amazing and really simple starter kits (like this one, this one, or if you really want to dive head first; this one) but before you get too far ahead with yourself, it’s also important to see what you would like to try. Some people might like tape, some people might like the idea of being blindfolded- others might not want that level of restraint or they might be more interested in exploring the pleasure/pain aspect of the kink community. Whatever side it is you want to explore, awesome! You should do that in a healthy, sex-positive way with your partner as long as that is something they are comfortable with trying.

Aftercare & Communication

If you don’t know much about kink, you might never have heard of “aftercare” and if that’s the case, I will sum it up really easily for you: Aftercare is the difference between feeling used, unwanted, or regretting it after rough sex and feeling loved, respected, and is excited to do it again.

This can be as simple as the one who was “dominate” making sure the submissive one was actually good with everything that happened, cuddling them, bringing them food, or giving them a massage.

Communication is a huge deal. From safe words (or just saying stop) to pushing boundaries, you have to communicate about what is and isn’t within someone’s comfort levels.

Lifestyle or just sex?

It can be just about rough sex, or it can be more than that! We’ll explore the idea of a lifestyle kink in another article (since there is enough to be said on it that could fill several books) but if you don’t know, a lifestyle kink leaves the bedroom and is part of day-to-day life. For example, someone in a D/s relationship outside of the bedroom will still have a partner who is the dominant and one who is the submissive.

The submissive always has the control

The thing a lot of people don’t realize is that even though the dom may be giving the orders or maybe the one in charge, it is the submissive who always has the control to say when to stop.

A good dom will always stop if their submissive is feeling uncomfortable, used, or too vulnerable in an unsexy way.

It involves a lot of research, actually

I know a lot of people who want to jump right into things without even reading anything about it, but the truth is, this is a topic that needs a lot of research and it is something that shouldn’t be ignored. Research is the difference between doing something safely and making someone feel respected. It’s the difference between making someone love sex and scaring someone for life.