Maybe you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey. Maybe you’ve heard the terms “kink” or “vanilla.” Perhaps you’re completely new to all of it! Either way, don’t fret, let’s break it all down for when kink meets Sugar!
Vanilla – and Not the Ice-Cream
The term “vanilla” is an adjective that can be used to describe a person or a type of sex that is average. This might include standard penis-in-vagina intercourse, the missionary position, and very little else. The term “kink” refers to a wide spectrum of less traditional sexual acts. BDSM is an overlapping acronym that stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Some may group kink in with BDSM or use the two terms interchangeably. However, kink is a more inclusive term than BDSM.
So What is Kink?
Some kinky things you may encounter on your search for a Sugar Daddy; dirty talk, anal play, handcuffs, blindfolding, threesomes, choking, and more. You may also find some more involved kinks like; domination/submission or master/slave play . Fetishes are also considered kinks and may involve a specific body part such as feet or may be related to an act involving bodily fluids for example.
Some Sugar Daddies may ‘require’ their Sugar Baby to comply with their kink, meaning they are unwilling to ignore their kinky desire. Most commonly I see Sugar Daddy’s who Dom’s looking for subs. This Sugar Daddy is a dominant man who is looking for a submissive woman. A submissive woman might be expected to address her dom as “Master” or “Daddy” or “Sir” depending on his preference. In order to submit to her Dom she must reliquensh control over to him. For some, this type of relationship stays in the bedroom and for others it is not only about sex. Rather it is a 24/7 type of relationship.
Trust is a Must
Kinky relationships involve trust, respect, and negotiation. Those who practice D/s relationships for example need to have lengthy discussions about what they are each willing to do. They must know their soft and hard limits in order to have consentual sex. When discussing your limits, it’s okay to not be sure about some things if you have never tried it. Just be sure to communicate that with your partner.
You can focus on things you know you like and do not like as well and try new things in a more intentional and experimental manner. Since it is hard to predict how each sexual encounter will go, there should always be a ‘safe word.’ That can be used to cease sexual play at that very moment. A safe word may be the word “Red” or anything that you choose that would normally not be said during sex. There may also be a nonverbal safe word in case you are unable to speak at the time, say for example you have a ball-gag preventing you from speaking, so maybe you use an arm or leg to send the same signal that you want to stop.
After care is an important part of kinky sex. After care is whatever makes you feel safe, loved, respected, and satisfied after the sexual play has ended. This may be cuddling, words of affirmation, processing or reflecting. Thinking back on which things you enjoyed most or maybe didn’t feel so great. You may be practicing this already in your vanilla relationship but it is specifically important for those who are engaging in kinky behaviors because it might be a stark change since the roles you play in sex may be more extreme than the nonsexual ones you have with one another.