Any good con artist will tell you: the best lies are the ones that deviate least from the truth. With the exception of the Oscar nominated actresses among us, the same is true when it comes to cobbling together your Sugar persona.
Not everyone uses a persona, and it’s fine if you don’t. Sometimes SBs are more comfortable with an alter ego, but if you plan to keep up the ‘ruse’ for any extended period of time, you’re going to need to stick as close as possible to the real, every-day you. Here are the steps for crafting your Sugar persona, while maintaining some privacy.
Step 1: Figure out who you are.
Write a list of a dozen or so of your positive and negative personal descriptors. You can include bad habits and virtues, they can be sentences or single words, just get a clear idea of what makes you, well, you.
Tips: Enlist the help of friends, relatives and even old flames. How you’re perceived is, for all intents and purposes, how you are.
Step 2: Understand the range of interpretations.
This part is important. For each strength/positive attribute, come up with a negative extreme (next to ‘outgoing’ write ‘obnoxious’ if you put ‘diplomatic’ write ‘doormat.’) and for each flaw/negative attribute, list a positive interpretation (Mouthy = outspoken. Clingy becomes ‘affectionate.’)
Tips: This one can be tough, but it’s important because it encourages you to view your own personality from a different perspective and do so with a lot less bias than usual.
Step 3: Meet your alter ego.
Now you’re going to rewrite the list as statements about a girl. This girl is always the positive interpretation of the trait but never the negative version of it. She’s thoughtful, but not indecisive. She cares about her personal appearance, but isn’t high-maintenance. She’s laid back, but not a slob. She’s discerning, but not overly picky. She’s honest, not a bitch. What you’ll end up with is the least offensive/least controversial version of yourself. It’s the you that would be a universally loved protagonist on a network TV show!
Tips: Consider this finding your inner Mary Sue. In film and literature, a Mary Sue is a character that is so idealized and perfect that they just aren’t believable as human. The point of crafting a persona isn’t to seem perfect—your flaws are important and humanizing.
Step 4: Customize
Personas are most useful when they’re tailor made to fit the needs of the audience. So when deciding how to present yourself to a POT, think about both his stated needs from his profile and from any conversations you’ve had with him. Also consider the needs he may have but doesn’t seem comfortable sharing yet.
Tips: Any variations on your persona should be different shades, not entirely new colors. Trying to be a dozen different people for a dozen different men will have your burned out and resentful. Instead of trying to be someone else, strive to be the best version of you while leaving the personal details for down the road.