I wrote this post specifically for the ladies out there that struggle with sugar dating and sugar relationships/arrangements for being more transactional in nature. Sugar dating resembles vanilla (regular) dating more often than any other type of comparison – and is nothing like escorting. Just for note, I have nothing against consenting sex workers who control their situation and benefit from selling their services, where legal.
An independent and consenting escort or stripper is just like a CPA, doctor, lawyer or personal trainer. They are expert and uniquely qualified to provide a service that is needed, desired and valued by their client. Different skills – different services – but essentially the same concept – services in exchange for compensation.
Society has put a stigma on this age-old profession and it is often associated with sugar dating. This discourages many women from considering and enjoying the sugar lifestyle. They equate having a sugar daddy to being a gold digger or worse.
This is an incorrect comparison, sugar dating is actually just like vanilla dating only with more qualified and accomplished men.
If you disagree, let me ask you this question:
Have you ever gone out with a guy on a date; perhaps dinner and a movie or something similar? Have you on that first or a subsequent date become intimate with this guy? Maybe to show some appreciation for his attention and interest and most importantly because you wanted too.
This happens all the time and it was not necessarily because he was extraordinarily hot or someone who you thought you might marry. Rather he was a guy you enjoyed and you had a level of attraction and it was pleasurable to hang out and have consenting sex with him. A nice vanilla date.
A sugar date is almost exactly the same.
You should have a nice time, you should be attracted to him (at least to some level) and most important every aspect is completely consensual. The only real difference is you are also benefiting from additional gifts, be it monetary or otherwise, that goes to you vs. a restaurant or club or some other third party. What’s the big deal?
If you said nothing – you’re correct!
An Indecent Proposal
There’s a movie from the nineties entitled Indecent Proposal starring Demi Moore and Woody Haralson as a young financially struggling couple and Robert Redford as the dashing multimillionaire. Redford offers the couple $1MM for a night alone with Demi.
There is a memorable scene in this entertaining film when Redford has Moore alone for the first time and leans in to kiss her. She hesitates. He says “Trust me, nothing is going to happen that you don’t choose”.
You can watch the clip here:
This scene represents a foundational element of sugar dating – nothing happens that you, the sugar baby, do not choose. You are choosing to meet up with your sugar daddy. And if everything is right by you, you are choosing to be intimate with your sugar daddy.
As an escort, it is implied that sex will be exchanged for money. As a sugar baby, just like when vanilla dating, intimacy may occur, however, it is not guaranteed.
Sugar dating should be a relationship – not a transaction.
Defining your Relationship
So you may be saying, all of the above is fine and good but the monetary aspect still makes it feel like a business vs. a relationship. That’s fair so consider this.
In my line of work, I have clients where I enjoy a lucrative business relationship. They pay me handsomely for my product and service and they benefit significantly. I also have a relationship and friendship with these clients. I enjoy socializing with them and have many interactions where our business relationship is hardly touched upon.
I travel to and with them. I have lunch, drinks, and dinner with them. I go to events with them. I give them gifts and they sometimes give me gifts. We are personal friends and we share personal stories and information. I care about them and their success and the feeling is mutual. Frankly, I do just about everything with my clients that I do with my sugar babies, with a few exceptions (wink).
Another similarity is while we have contractual obligations; it is not that difficult for either my client or me to stop working with each other should we chose.
Sugar dating can be and, in my opinion, should be much more like a close and valued client business relationship and friendship.
My bottom-line advice, forget both the stigma as well as the inaccurate comparisons. Dive into the sugar bowl, have fun and enjoy the experience and rewards of a sugar relationship.
You deserve it!